Chronic dissatisfaction

I had a really informative chat with my two mates last night. Yes, they were both very drunk but I preferred it that way because they were able to be completely and utterly honest in our conversation - I normally don't find it that difficult to be honest because I feel that it is indeed the best policy; only second to affirmative action of course! But on a serious note, the conversation was incredibly profound. For so long I had assumed that I was one of the few people that suffered from what I like to call chronic dissatisfaction. A condition - in my case - that has been brought about by a desire to achieve and topple any achievements I've had, no matter how prestigious they might be. Although it's a superb quality to have, in the sense that I'm ambitious and will always want the best for myself, it has resulted in me being completely unappreciative of what I currently have.

Last semester was the height of my chronic dissatisfaction. I know that I'm not and will never be the happiest chappie in the spaza shop but I've always remained relatively positive about my life, because I believe that a positive mind is a powerful one. However, that all changed last semester. I found that I could not appreciate anything in my life. The friends that I had, the environment in which I found myself, the opportunities I was receiving and surprisingly enough, the food I was eating. I constantly thought, 'I could do better'; 'if I worked harder, I would be better'; 'if I said this to that person, then they would like me better'. It was awful. I found myself becoming very emotional and weak which is something we all feel from time to time; but I was feeling like that every minute of the day. And my friends felt it too. The general consensus was, 'is this what my life has become?' Wake up, go to lectures, come back, watch some TV on my laptop, eat, work and sleep (go out occasionally). It sounds like bourgeoisie problems, yes, but they are the sort that can render someone rather depressed. The town in which I live is very small and hence, there is very little to do. I sometimes wonder whether this is the reason behind the sadness I'm finding, is generally felt by most students here. It seems that one has to get, either, completely sozzled in order to have a good time and shockingly enough for some people, function; or one could stay in one's room and sink into an even deeper sadness by checking out people's Facebook pictures and cry in envy over the decisions one has made in one's life.

And that's another issue. Facebook. Trailing narrowly behind Judas Iscariot for producing the greatest deceit humanity has ever witnessed. It is so easy to create a life that is so different from your reality on Facebook. You post pictures of yourself appearing to be having the best time ever; so much so that you compromised your enjoyment to take over 250-and-something photos of yourself, 'seizing the moment' apparently. And no, I don't discriminate against such people at all. In fact, I think the original idea behind Facebook was to document the things you were doing with your life and share them with your friends - especially those with whom you had lost contact. Nonetheless, it's almost become competitive, I find, because it seems as though people are so consumed with producing pretty photos as opposed to having a blast. Moreover, the fact that there's photo-shopping does not help either because you can make rather banal photos appear quite brilliant through the use of colouring techniques and so on. Harrowing stuff, I'll say. But has anyone ever wondered how true these images are? Personally, if you take a squizz at my photos, you wouldn't think I was quite down last semester. I'm smiling in all of them and not because I wanted to show the world that I was really enjoying university, but because no one is going to post pictures of themselves looking emo and all. It's natural to smile in photos.

My mates and I did not know what to do about it. We're fine now because we've all concluded that instead of having a pathetic pity party about our current situation, rather we try to enjoy our lives. And we genuinely are. If we get sad, then we'll feel it but not dwell on it. There will always be a part of us that wonders 'what if' we'd done things differently, but that does not help. I don't think there's a cure for chronic dissatisfaction. It's a matter of accepting your current circumstances and doing everything in your power to make the most of them. Affirmations help too. Basically, just dealing with it all. Oh and I wouldn't encourage the deletion of Facebook but I would say that photos are deceiving. As those cheesy-as-cheddar quotes always, well quote, behind every smile lies a secret. Or something along those crappy lines.